Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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