in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
