those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
