so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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