Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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