my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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