You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
