woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
