I heard we made out
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
