just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
