I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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