When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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