Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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