he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
