My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
