Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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