if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
