discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Damn victory sex feels great
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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