i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
