next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
