i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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