Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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