Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
