She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
