Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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