dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
