He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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