I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Text me some of your sweat
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
