it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
