how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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