She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
