she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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