im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
