Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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