Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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