he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
