my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
