I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
