She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
