he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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