Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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