I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
