Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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