Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You can't special order awesome
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
