I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
