i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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