Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
