a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
