If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so that wasnt chicken after all
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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