If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
