yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
