Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
